An early spring evening, the hours of daylight only just extended

like a gift, too soon forgotten

The closer I get, from my vantage, I see people on rooftops everywhere

reaching for the last rays of the day

Sharing drinks, smiles and stories

up high and wild

Surrounded by plants clambering from pots

The desire for air, sunlight and wildness unavoidable and untempered 

by the City.

City image courtesy of  Studio Invisible 

I spent some time running with my pack this weekend past, up in the wilds of the Suffolk coast. It was tough, being away from home further to a loss in our little family. I find my default emotion of anger getting the better of me at times like this and I completely shun my own practice (meditation and asana), which makes for a double whammy of me not being at my best. But, I’ve come to learn, as I pass another year, that this is o.k.

It’s o.k. to feel like shit, to be angry at loss and to take time to grieve. It’s o.k to know that my yoga mat is not actually a magic carpet that carries these things away as soon as I close my eyes and breathe in.  Instead I took comfort in those who know me, who let me be angry, who let me cry, who threw stones in the sea with me, made me laugh when I wasn’t sure I could and let me eat only biscuits.

I know I will return to step foot on my sticky mat, probably still pissed, and angry and upset and I will breathe and feel, just the same way I always do, but just like the physical discomfort as I slide myself in to a heart busting back bend, I will not indulge it. I will feel it as it arises, I will know it and I will tell it, it’s o.k… and then I will breathe out.

I discovered this Hafiz poem on my return from Suffolk where we spent lots of time, in the absence of all the crummy light pollution, star gazing and it brought me a little comfort, it snuck right under my anger and upset vest and reminded me of those things I hold true.

“A Suspended Blue Ocean”

The sky

Is a suspended blue ocean.

The stars are the fish

That swim.

The planets are the white whales I sometimes hitch a ride on,

And the sun and all light

Have forever fused themselves

Into my heart and upon

My skin.

–Hafiz

“It’s ok” banner Image courtesy of Ashley Anna Brown

“We don’t need a list of rights and wrongs, tables of dos and don’ts: we need books, time, and silence. Thou shalt not is soon forgotten, but Once upon a time lasts forever.” 

― Philip Pullman

“Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.”  ~ Bruce Lee

It’s been a busy couple of weeks, but I’m loving the bustle and looking forward to the calm post our Yuletide celebrations.  So whilst I keep half an eye on my other tasks here’s something frivolous for the blog.

A weekend of Holiday parties beckons and if like me you are feeling the chill of winter and a distinct lack of glow in the skin, try this. It’s a completely natural mask made from dead skin cell munching green papaya! It’ll leave your skin feeling bright and smelling gorgeous.                    

INGREDIENTS

1/2 cup unripe papaya (diced) - contains the papin enzyme to munch dead skin cells

1 teaspoon of plain Yogurt - contains lactic acid that contains alpha hydroxy

1 teaspoon of honey - helps skin retain moisture 

Blend all the ingredients together with a hand mixer until smooth and then apply to your clean skin leaving it on for no longer than 10 mins.  Rinse using tepid water and pat your skin dry.  I like to finish with a gentle facial massage with warm sesame oil abhyanga style to help protect my skin before stepping outside in to the chill.

Happy Holidays!

“There are two things happening in the holiday season. There is the nature of winter, an invitation to return to something that is very deep, very mysterious, very dark. There’s also the delight within the darkness, something sparkling within our own self that is in many ways unknown. This is the intrinsic nature of awakeness itself.” ~ Adyashanti

Inevitably from first day of Advent onwards, we get busier, rushing to complete work, tasks, shopping or making gifts, cookin’ and plannin’ before the Yuletide celebration.  Catching up with friends and family.  Dinners, drinks and parties, trying to squeeze it all in, can leave us feeling pretty ‘spent’ and maybe not so emotionally available for others (and ourselves!). So here’s an early gift, some sound advice from the clarity well of Danielle La Porte.

“We know you’re busy, now shut up about it”

“Let people meet you in your clear truth rather than your apologetic panic.”

“…you don’t need to excuse yourself at all. Just show up. Present and accountable, full of life and it’s demands. We all understand.”

Amen Sista and let the yule times roll!

Peace out, Hayley

Last week I went along to the British Museum at the invite of one of my dear students who works there.  We were to see Grayson Perry exhibit, The Tomb of the Unknown Craftsmen (which I would have paid many times over to see). The man is a genius. period. And a whole blog post to him another time. These words to live by are new to my collection, I have felt them for a long time, with no way to eloquently articulate them. 

“Hold Your Beliefs Lightly” - Grayson Perry

Now, I’m hoping I’m on the same page as Mr. Perry with my understanding of these words, as in more writings on his works says:

“Sometimes our very human desire for meaning, can get in the way of having a good experience of the world”

So, I guess what these words mean to me and why they resonate with me, is that I have always held a faith, an instinct in my understanding of things. My yoga practice has only deepened this understanding, but I have never let it limit me, it terms of my practice and my thinking. It is beyond limits and I know just like everything in life, if you hold it too tightly you strangle the magic out of it.  The same if we try to rationalize,  make logic of or even take it too seriously. So I hold my faith and my practice lightly, never letting it dictate to me and never holding on to the ritual (even if that ritual is rolling out a yoga mat at 5am each morning), group or school of thinking too tightly.  Because if we do, we will always lose something and relinquish our own power in that magic.  

Well it’s really more a collection of words, woven in to music, well yes o.k. it’s a song… It’s called Running from the album I’m New Here by the indomitable Gil Scott Heron 

You can read the words here or listen here 

It resonates deeply with me at the moment the lines below in particular 

“Because I always feel like running, Not away as there’s no such place, because if there was I would have found it by now. Because it’s easier to run, easier than staying and finding out you’re the only one who didn’t run”

and

“Because running makes me look like everyone else, though I hope there will never be cause for that, because I’ll be running in the other direction”

“Because I have to be running for something of more value to be running and not in fear”

This week, through a culmination of events I have been reminded of who I am and my path (for now), knowing nothing can touch the true essence of my nature. And although I may be running, quite erratically at times it must be said and not exactly on the same course as everyone else (which I have struggled with in the past), I am running for the sheer glory of being me. Not away, but towards and without fear, head on, full pelt in to my life. 

       Image courtesy of americanbeatvintage.com